Here’s some more people you’ll meet at a skatepark. If you didn’t find yourself on the first list perhaps, you’ll be on this one
If you haven’t read part one you can do that by clicking here
The guy who only plays SKATE.
Not to be confused with the freestyle skater, as all of this guys tricks land wheels down (usually first try) but he will still be spotted in the rampless areas of the park practicing his tre flips in switch, nollie and fakie. He will challenge anybody to a game of skate, including the freestyle skater providing it’s “berrics rules”. They will always have a secret weapon trick that you cant even figure out what it is, such as a switch big laser flip rewind. If you see one of these in your local and he challenges you to a game of skate, just take it, you might accidentally learn a new trick (that’s how most of my flip tricks were learnt.
Nobody knows where he came from (including his mother, although she has the list down to a possible 7 guys now) you’ll see him skulking around the ramps asking anyone and everyone if they’ll give him a cigarette. No body will give him one as he is only 11 though so he usually will start swearing and spitting, with idle threats of how many gangsters he knows then try run off with someone’s bag or skateboard. He is ultimately harmless but keep an eye on him or things will disappear from your bag.
If you are thinking about giving him a cigarette in order to subdue him, don’t, he’ll just keep asking for more.
The local ripper.
This guy knows every line in the park and does it all with ease. Any gap you can see and think you’ve found in the park he’s already kickflipped it. While he has an impressive bag of tricks if you take him to a new park you’ll see how he only seems to be able to skate amazing at his local park.
He’s usually a sound guy, he just needs to try skate more than one park.
The show off.
The show off has a credible amount of skill, but believes he is better than he is. He is easy to spot as he will try make eye contact with you after every trick he lands. His need to show off and impress people increases once a female is around the park and he will skate any obstacle within the vicinity of females like some sort of skate peacock. Just ignore him, this won’t make him go away, but might make him make eye contact with somebody else that isn’t you.
The kids who can’t read the word skate.
They see a sign saying skatepark, but they only see the word park whether it’s the inability to read the word skate or cognitive dissonance, we’ll never know.
They are easy to spot as they don’t have anything to ride on other than their bums, and every ramp is a slide, it doesn’t matter if 30 people are trying to skate it, they must slide down it and get in your way. You might think that educating the parents that their child is in danger is the best way to go but, they are usually just as oblivious as the child. There’s not much you can do other than skate a different ramp, but unfortunately at some point the kid is going to find out the hard way that they should look where they’re going.
The overprotective parent.
The overprotective parent will never be far from their offspring, because as soon as the kid falls, they need to be there instantly in order to check they haven’t broke their leg when they crashed into that curb at 2mph. If their kid falls off when you are skating near them it will be your fault and a “watch where you’re going, there’s kids about” will be shrieked at you.
In order to subdue the parent the entire skatepark must stop what they are doing so little Billy can skate the flat of the bowl.
The rock fakie, tailstall kid
This kid will spend the entire day on the mini ramp, doing a rock fakie on one side then a tailstall on the other and repeating these actions until his legs get too tired to carry on. Don’t confuse this kid with a one who is trying to learn these tricks, as the rock fakie kid has them mastered, he just refuses to try to learn a new tick, so will perpetually spend his time skating doing an impersonation of a pendulum.
The dog on a board.
The dog on a board is usually a type of bulldog, while I’ve yet to see one win a game of skate, they still always impress me.
No matter how many tricks you can throw down a 20 set this dog will still have more followers on Instagram than you.
As I side note, I wish somebody would give me biscuits every time I did a trick.
So called due to his Yoda like advice, despite the fact he doesn’t have a clue what he’s on about and is just blagging it, making his advice pointless. If you are carving a bowl he will tell how to correct you line, despite not being able to carve himself. You mess up a flip trick that you normally land, he’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong, even though he can’t ollie.
The best way to deal with blagger Yoda is to call him out on his “advice” and ask him to show you. This has the dual advantage of, if he is a blagger then it will expose him and if he isn’t a blagger Yoda but an actual Yoda then you’re getting free advice from somebody who knows what they’re talking about.
Thanks for reading guys, keep suggesting me stereotypes of people at the skatepark, as this is a really fun article to write.